Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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