Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
