Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
