I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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