I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
