id be glad to
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I could fuck to npr.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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