My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my liver is dry heaving
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
