My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
