I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize