Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
