im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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