She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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