The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
