do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I only lived at night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
