Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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