Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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