Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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