Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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