There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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