AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
