my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
