I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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