That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
