I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
