i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
