god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
