6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish my penis had an off switch
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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