Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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