break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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