I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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