I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
