I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
