An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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