His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
