I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
