"it" just moved
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
