I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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