look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize