At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
