i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
