forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
