Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
