Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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