I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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