haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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