Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
