shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize