I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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