She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
