Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
