I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
