Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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