oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
