My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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