Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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