I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
