yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
