What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
