i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there was a trapeze. enough said
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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