Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
