I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
