I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
