I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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