Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
