Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we should paint friendship bongs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
