Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
