508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
