The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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