Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my moral compass just broke
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
