I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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