do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
